2017年5月23日 星期二

然後憂鬱的甜笑著。

早上,在地鐵服用Rammstein與Lindemann,
可能是因為太餓,服後都在抽搐、反白眼、呼吸急促的。
此藥還是太強了吧。還想起幾年前每天只睡4、5小時,也是這樣捱過。

雖然上班時精力還不少,
但我發覺自己蠻討厭精力充沛的感覺。
因為滿有精神的話,人會太快,得意洋洋的。
太快就看不到、聽不到很多事。
心會被自己如噪音般的光茫遮蔽而看不見。

於是下班後,從堯十三的靜夜、宋冬野的安和橋、Air 的 Playground Love、Arcade Fire 的 Milk & Honey、Lily Chou-chou 的 Arabesque,最後聽 Jon Brion 的 Something You Can't Return To,與 Little Person。

我發現,我很需要把自己調整至疲累與憂愁,
因為只有這樣,我的心才安靜,才能聽見自己,聽見別人。
才看見其他事。

我享受晚上踱步,走得很慢很慢,
就只聽著同樣憂愁的音樂,感受想哭的感覺如小浪般,
輕輕爬上來,又輕輕爬回去。



最後擰著鎖匙進門,漆黑的家,就只有一盞燈在亮。
如是者坐到椅上,右手托頭,靜聽 Little Person 裡的女聲唱完。

I'm just a little person.
One person in a sea.
Of many little people.
Who are not aware of me.

I do my little job.
And live my little life.
Eat my little meals.
Miss my little kid and wife.

And somewhere maybe someday.
Maybe somewhere far away.
I'll find a second little person.
Who will look at me and say:

I know you.
You're the one I've waited for.
Let's have some fun.

Life is precious.
Every minute.
And more precious with you in it.
So let's have some fun.

We'll take a road trip.
Way out West.
You're the one.
I like the best.

I'm glad I found you.
Like hanging around you.
You're the one.
I like the best.

Somewhere maybe someday.
Maybe somewhere far away.
Somewhere maybe someday.
Maybe somewhere far away.
Somewhere maybe someday.
Maybe somewhere far away.

I'll meet a second little person.
And we'll go out and play.

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